Yesterday I went on a night out.
What was supposed to be a tea invitation turned to a karaoke and Carlsberg sort of a date.
I didn’t actually sing any songs although this is not the first time I end up in a karaoke bar and I did promised myself I would sing something one day.
So, on this first day I bent a few rules and I really enjoyed good company.
I guess this was the best beginning I could have had for this quest.
No wisdom words for today.
A cantaloupe salad with oranges, grapefruits, vodka and ice tea.
Just what I need on a Monday off afternoon.
And starting today I’m going to try something new everyday for 30 days.
In a totally sane society, madness is the only freedom.
And I constantly believe this is the ultimate truth. I always said to myself that crazy people are the happiest people possible. They are careless about the daily worries of a sane person; in their world they are the masters of their fantasy.
Maybe we are the crazy ones.
‘cause in the end who teaches us what’s real and who holds the key to set us free?
Needing a boost of energy I had a Bacetti last evening.
And guess what the note tucked inside the “chocolate kiss” said:
“Dream the impossible and you’re already part-way there”.
I already feel something awesome is about to happen.
We tend to make what is uncertain certain. We tend to pretend and in the end it is our choices that show what we truly are.
Will I follow my passions?
Will I chose a life of ease or a life of adventure?
Will I guard my heart against rejection or will I act when I fall in love?
What last, last, what doesn’t, doesn’t.
I am my choices and I want to build myself a great story.
I know I’m not perfect and I know I’m wired for struggle and worthy for love and belonging.
I know I cannot selectively numb emotions.
So I’m letting myself be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen.
This is the only way to love with my whole heart even if it is no guarantee.
It’s the inside jokes, the glances, the day to day chitchat that makes the game worth playing.
It all started with hush hush and nothing’s been done but we both feel the chemistry. Sometimes you can cut the tension between us with a razor blade.
I don’t want to screw things up; I hope this is only the beginning part of liking each other, becoming friends.
You’re every boy’s dream, he said.
I was a bit shocked and flattered at the same time. I have never thought about myself this way. And after a few seconds I finally realized why the hell I can’t be someone’s girl.
Dream girls don’t exist.
Today I was talking to my mom how last week a fellow co-worker quit her job unexpectedly only later to find out she will be going through a divorce. Her husband and her brother in law are both working at the same company but in different departments. So why in the world if you lose your husband you have to lose also your job if you don’t get caught in any kind of trouble at work?
But then my mom reminded me how someone else had in mind to quit his job even for less.
A broken heart makes people crush their entire world.
And I hadn’t slept in days now and I feel like my heart is just too tired for anything. I want so badly to go on a vacation and never come back.
I was hoping that everything was going to be fine and ok and nice and wonderful.
Then I looked at me in the mirror and realized things changed. I changed. I’m the same weird kid only trapped in the body of a 20 something woman.
And it’s frustrating when not everyone can see the kid showing off in the blue dress.
The book of Meow 
